Today marks a black day on the calendar of truth for two loosely connected reasons. Firstly, the pack of Hawaiian hazelnut flavoured coffee, which was so kindly brought back from the States and handled with velvet gloves by Mrs Kaufman's boss, is no longer unleashing into our humble abode its exquisite aroma and superior taste. Returning to a sack of endemic coffee granules this morning was worse than having my feet covered with concrete, instructed to wait a couple of hours without cheese anywhere within reach and then tickled all over with the tip of a vibrator before finally being pushed into the deep end of a pool.
Secondly, and in my opinion a vastly superior feature of how disturbing this incident has been, is that I'm compelled to write about it.
In other developments, it's 5 pm on Friday, which means nothing else matters.
- Andy Kaufman
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