March 03, 2006

# 55

Yesterday, as I was riling from another dose of being screwed over by Viktor, my Polish room mate sharing the room and, without my approval, my bed in this God-forsaken asylum, I accidentally offended MC Hammer. I say accidentally because it most certainly was accidental, even by my barnstorming standards. What's more, it was the actual MC Hammer, and not just some guy pretending to be the real, actual, true-to-life MC Hammer.

That's where the crux of the problem lay: I was under the impression that THIS SITE belonged to someone who thought it would be hilarious to steal the identity of a famous person who was very much a part of my upbringing. Needless to say, but soon to be said, I wasn't impressed and began to voice my disapproval where I saw an opening: a scathing attack (see below) centred on a post about the New York Yankees' chances of winning the World Series (for those of you uninitiated to the ways of the sport of baseball, this is where the best two teams from two divisions in the US vie for the title of w-o-r-l-d c-h-a-m-p-i-o-n. Yes, it's flawed but what isn't?) in the forthcoming baseball season. As I saw it to that point in time, it was written by the MC Hammer impostor V1.0.

Scrolling down after the fact, I saw photos of THE REAL MC HAMMER.

I was appalled when I discovered that I had made a gargantuan mistake in assuming that MC Hammer didn't have his own web site - one with a .com suffix! I confess that this alone does not make for a watertight defence on my behalf, and I do not wish for it to be so, as I have next to no money to get the kind of legal representation likely to keep me in this asylum and away from men with characteristics likely to halve me. It simply struck me as odd that MC Hammer would have a site at Blogger. You know?

Anyway, here's the puerile trite I wrote and (the genuine) MC Hammer's response, which came as a complete surprise and reassured me of the man's status as a human being of legendary magnitude; one we could all learn something from.

Andy Kaufman: "Dude, your title needs an apostrophe after the 's' in the word Yankees to denote possession. So, just to recap: Is This The Yankees' Year? is the only way the title will prevent you from seeming like a chump who failed English classes (notice the plural form?).

Good luck with that whole 'I'm living my life through the success or failure of a team in which I have no participation in' thing. It's a winning formula...For sure.

Oh, and don't forget about the real reason that A-Rod said what he said in the first place: a microphone was placed in front of his fat head and all other thoughts had long ago escaped from his ego tripping mind.

You try touching this."

MC Hammer: "Thanks Andy on the grammar error. I dig yo style!!"

For those of you who doubt the man's charisma, I would like to direct your attention to the two exclamation points in that inspirational response.

MC Hammer: I salute you with five digits of three: March 3, 3:33pm.


Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

You touched base with the legend. There is nothing left to achieve.

You might as well end it now.

Did you SEE his jesus fired humility?

What a legend

Saathiya said...


No, I am not angry / offended. I don't know, just been weirdly lazy / busy lately. Sorry bout that, I can do better I swear.

reverendtimothy said...

That is the most FUCKING GODDAMN AWESOME thing I have seen all day. You're all trippers. There's no way I could comment on the Hammer's blog without blushing and running away like a schoolgirl - let alone slamming the poor bastard. I laughed so hard. Fan-fucking-tastic. :-D

Buddy Belcher said...

Yeah, Daly linked the Hammer to our site.... was never a big fan myself, though his Addams Family tune kicked ring. Yeah.
Good work though. You might get a thanks on the sleev of his next album. Maybe something like "Thanks for looking out for my mouth."
Sounds like a rap think to say.

Kaufman said...

UTMG: I went back and apologised for my uncalled for schizo outburst. It was indeed a response saturated with humility. Amazing.

Saathiya: That's good. I was hoping it was the case as your input is always appreciated.

Rev: I mean it when I say it was a faux pas slamming. I was so irate at the thought of a faceless lump of turd ripping off the man's identity that I took aim and fired. I had my tail between my legs wondering what the response would be (if one was forthcoming) and was utterly dismayed at how well THE MC Hammer took it.

Not Kong: I understand how his career can be seen from love or hate vantage points. To me, Hammer is the epitome of what is possible with a bit of talent and persistence. I don't think anyone can fault his dancing ability.

Thanks for your comments.

Steph said...

Funniest. Post. Ever. You are now my hero. That was brilliant. I can't believe he actually replied to you!!!

Aminah said...

Wonders never cease...

Hammer Time!

Kaufman said...

Steph: Thanks for dropping in and commenting. I'm hoping with time that the relationship between Hammer and I solidifies to the stage where I can ask to borrow his golden pants. We can all hope.

Aminah: Indeed they don't.

Word verification: uqaqok (!)

Old Man Morri said...

best episode ever.

Now if only i could get the hammer to convert....

That would be a good story.
But not likely.
Nice one andy K. "CLASSIC!"

You done touched dis.

Vezquex said...

"Now if only i could get the hammer to convert...."

Are you thinking Hebrew Hammer?

And just remember, I corrected him first.

Kaufman said...

Vezquex: Correctamundo on the you were first front. I was enraged that I scrolled straight to the end and unleashed my wrath without having seen your comment. You, Sir, are the King of brevity in reference to grammar correction. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Perhaps you could get him to convert to communism.

Commie Hammer.

Imagine the fear in the american southlands.

"He's what? A negro AND a commie!?! Annie, get ma gun!!"