April 10, 2006

# 75

Bangladesh 427. Australia 50/3 (14.4 ov) Australia RR 3.40 at Tea.

Australia trail by 377 runs with 7 wickets remaining in the 1st innings.

Yeah, look, I know that I've nothing to contribute to the final outcome of this particular experiment, seeing as I'm weighed down by naturally acquired fondness for cheese, a sense of shaping my pectoralis major muscles that's geared in the negative and an overwhelming thumbs-up for taste-testing locally made sake, but can someone please throw out someone with pads capable of withstanding this Bangladeshi bowling assault?

Honestly, is it too much to ask? Well, is it? Haydos is resting for the second dig assault thanks to a...Umm... brain explosion?; Ponters is doing the same thanks to a...Umm...brain explosion, while formulating crafty explanations for the post day's session with the journo-type lads (and changing room invading lasses; heads up etc.) and Marto is resting up thanks to a...Umm...brain explosion with a word to the journo lads (and locker invading lasses) in three-months' time, when, as per normal, he'll cement his place in the side with yet another hard-fought innings constituationising* 327 balls for a masterfully crafted 102 out, caught in the slips off a rash stroke.

First day back and all, but I'm still of the opinion that the line, What the fuck am I doing here? is the predominant reason for my presence in the present.

Hello? Is this thing on?

UPDATE: Bangladesh 427. Australia 145/6 (52.0 ov). Australia trail by 282 runs with 4 wickets remaining in the 1st innings. Australia RR 2.78. Stumps on day 2.

Not much has changed, considering Aussie wickets have tumbled at a steady rate. All recognised batsmen apart from Freddy Botham Gilchrist are pissing in the communal showers, although dingus Lee remains at the crease with Freddy BG. Trailing Bangladesh by 282 runs wouldn't have been part of the script at the start of the day. Even a miraculous double (en)tonne(dre) by FBG could be thwarted by four more senseless strokes.

Mumbling to self without much conviction that everything's gonna be just fine if Australia can somehow salvage a draw.

* Bullshit jargon that only the die hard will understand. I'm not one, so I don't.


Under the Radar said...

WTF is going on in this world? You guys doomed to go around being hammered by the bangers for all eternity. this is one of those things where the crime is also the punishment...

benjibopper said...

I'm not sure what the hell you're talking about but it sounds kind of like being a Toronto Raptors fan.

Kaufman said...

UTR: It could be the Dav Whatmore factor. I've heard that unlike John Buchanan, whose use of the laptop is folklore, Whatmore's pre-game planning involves naked Battleship and chanting along with a qualified soothsayer.

BB: I was a big Isaiah Thomas fan back in the day. He's still the guy in the Raptor suit, isn't he?

benjibopper said...

That would explain the athleticism, but not the uncanny ability to devour his own face.

For me it was Nique.

Kaufman said...

I don't go for brand names, but if I had to make a life-or-death choice, it would be Adidas, not Nique.

There's a certain level of reassurance with German technology.

Driving a fine Beamer with Adidas sneakers on and a fat lady offering me fifteen giant glasses of beer is the fork in the road in most of my dreams.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I still can't believe you fell to SA. What a titanic struggle that was!

Clearly, you need to jet over there and slip Ketamin in the Bangladeshi food cart and Speed in the Aussie one.

Watch and laugh from the TV in your BMW until the fat lady sings.

Make sure she passes you a few beers first.

Under the Radar said...

No - he needs to do that to me!

Kaufman said...

UT: Perhaps you're confusing me for the eleven fake-arsed bitches that took the field for the second innings of that match? Yes? No? See, my only involvement in that was a token patriotic one from atop the heated rug in my apartment, which didn't involve any physical exersion on my part, such as the retrieval of countless balls from over the fence.

I would have used a ball attached to a bungy cord.

BTW, your mob looks like bringing the ODI series against India to a much more respectable 1-4. Woo-hoo, dead rubber, series well and truly already lost before a ball was bowled and all that.


UTR: Sure. When?

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...


Ms Smack said...

Iron and Wine are my fave band! :)

Kaufman said...

Yeah, I love 'em.

UPDATE: Bangladesh 427 & 148. Australia 269 & 307/7 (107.0 ov). Match over.