June 05, 2006

# 93



The first of hopefully many miniaturised Great Andinis will be joining the original twosome come Christmas. The super dooper news about this aspect of having a new addition to the family is we'll most likely be afforded the luxury of combining birthday presents and compulsory presents along the traditional red, black and white themed nature. The downside is...

Well...

Nah, it's all pretty bloody good, really.



14 comments:

Kaufman said...

Ju mean to tell me dat ju iz gonna have a babiez?

Kaufman said...

Hey, bro, as a fellow with a mo, I know how it will go: wah, wah, wah will be the flow. Your eyeballs from their sockets will blow. Sleep, as you know, will vanish, you know? Poof! No magic dragon. Hello? All the best there, bro.

Kaufman said...

You're really getting into that multiple personality disorder thing, aren't you, buddy? I sense big things for you. Anyway, good luck with that.

I have a surefire solution to help you kick the habit, should you see fit to heed my advice. Try this. You can't ingest it or imbibe it, so you're probably thinking that it's as useful as a cabbage on wheels, but it will help. Trust me: I know Gwen Stefani.

Kaufman said...

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for publishing the excerpt from my book at your previous post. I hadn't thought about my father for longer than I'd care to reveal. Well, it was seventeen years to be precise. But you opened my heart and ate it in front of me as I cried myself to death. It often takes a person with immaculate vision or many cheap whores to make me feel that way. May I reiterate how much I want to thank you for making me feel again?

Regards and well wishes,
Latrelle Hallenbrumby-Werderberg.

Kaufman said...

P.S. Congratulations on the conception. I'm sending a card following my operation later today to the same address as the cheque.

- LHW

Kaufman said...

It's good to be dead.

Kaufman said...

I never had a kid. But I was paying child support to forty-two women from various continents. Five of those weren't even women. There were seven children from south-east Asia on my payroll as well. What's that? A total of 53 people I was keeping alive with my court-ruled generosity. I'd rather not talk about it if it's all the same with you. The thing that bugged me about the entire affair is that I had never even met them before. Any of them. You ever mixed drugs? I don't mean regular shit. You ever mixed coffee and cough syrup? I used to mash entire packets of cigarettes into my Jack Daniel's. I tell ya, nothing's harder than trying to quit smoking. I used to mainline entire vats of moonshine into my eyes. Give that kid of yours a hug for me, will ya? I love you, man.

Steph said...

Lets hope your bambino doesn't inherit your insane genes!

Congratulations :)

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Congratulations!

You have taken an apprentice.

Just imagine the dark magic you can work on the wee bairns teeny little brain. A permanent sidekick who can be asigned all those horrible tasks you would not sully your own hands with.

Huzzah!

Mob said...

Congratulations, and best of luck with the little one.

Kaufman said...

Carlos: I mean to tell you that we are going to have one baby.
Alfonse: My sleep pattern resembles a three-year-old kid's abstract masterpiece with a crayon. Having a bub will be just another stroke of pure genius. Cheers for the well wishes.
Tony: I checked out that link and you're right. And so are you! I miss your live work.
Latrelle: My bank cannot clear Austrian currency. I specifically said Australian. So did I! Thank you very bloody much.
Roy: I thought as much. So did I! I assure you that I am no longer a doubting Andini. Are the acoustics any good?
River: Child support begins at home. You should visit each and every one of your falsified spawn. I'd start at night and slowly work my appearances into a daytime routine. But that's just me. My Own Private Idaho sucked, dude. I was hoping you'd continue the Indiana Jones saga, but you went and fucked that up. Tell Cobain he can choke on donkeys links. Is repeated death even possible? Cheers.
Steph: That's a cruel, unjust and unimaginative thing to say. What would the state of the world be like if everyone thought the same? I'd like to see at least a week of the planet being run by the insane before passing judgement. Imagine Junior Clitoris relinquishing his throne to a robed wonder from the nut house. Tell me that doesn't make your salivary glands work in all the right ways. Thanks for the last part.
UTMG: An apprentice you say. Hmm... Congratulatory wordage accepted with humble delight.
Mob: Arigato gozaimasu. I hope you and your newly appointed bride are continuing to enjoy Paris. Had my wife and I gone there on our honeymoon, we'd be in the company of a six-year-old with attitude.

benjibopper said...

dude, congrats!!! highly exciting novelties. post pics, or the canadian government will tax you.

Kaufman said...

Tell 'em to wait in line with the rest. I'm still waiting for PM Koizumi to send a congratulatory letter via courier with a PS demanding money for the Conception Tax that he ushered into parliament on the day before the big deed.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I wish I had more interesting voices in my head.

The dull monotone of the unfamiliar haunter is just depressing.

give me Rick James, any day