June 26, 2006

# 101

Today marks the thirty-fourth to last time that I wish I were home. How do I know? The cheese calendar opened its tiny fake front door and catapulted a piece of Blue my way. Yummo!

Chances are that this feeling of contentment because of the ingestion of tiny portions of edible mould will end on the same day as my desire to leave Japan. It be the first Monday in August. Chances also give a 50-50 indication that something new will arise and distract me from my preferred perspective of living the Australian wet dream; from behind a diver's mask ten to fifteen metres below the surface of the water somewhere on, in, over, beneath, inside of or next to the Greatest Barrier Reef.

Sure, this will probably set into motion the wheels of another countdown to something better, but...

Who the hell am I kidding? Once we're back in Australia, what could top that? Pah-ha-ha-ha!

PS Go see this majestic web site if you're still unsure about what to get your old man for father's day. I don't urge you to go because the people behind it need the publicity: it's because if you do, the dastardly bastards behind it all promised to extricate the tape worm as gently as technologically possible before the stroke of midnight tonight. Think of me as you dream, knowing you did nothing of the sort to improve my health, then wonder about how many different ways I could seek revenge. Then wonder some more whether I'm skilled enough to carry it through alphabetically.


Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I got my old man some kind of golf ball/mug combination.

Why, I don't know.

He doesn't even play golf. He seemed to like the chocolate balls though.

Kaufman said...

They would be wasted on a tee. In the stomach, however...

Are we going to do a father's day piece? I don't even know why I wrote that.

Do you know?

benjibopper said...

Hi there. Great blog. That site you linked to was fee-nominal. Lots of great segways. Everybody should read it, whether they can spell or not. Even stupid people should read it. Even people with little or no balls should read it.

Speaking of balls, I am cheering for Australia to kick the ball in their opponents net more time than vice versa today. How is that for a segue?

Anonymous said...

Good evening from Gismo. Unicorn here to report the weather is fine just your normal galastic storm sweeping many planets past ours.It makes for a great sight ,maybe you earthling will see this one day when you have destroyed your own planet which will not be to many lightyears away...Its always interesting what you do with each other and your planet......We gismonians always get a laugh from your destuctive ways ,but to learn you must first destroy whats so good.

Kaufman said...

BB: I read about the unjust actions of the whistleblower in that match, a match which I had no visual account of by way of having no relationship with a set on which television is played.

However, as I have adopted Australian blood flowing through my veins, I will be seeking a DVD / .avi / .mpg copy of said game and breaking a whole lot of shit upon the viweing of the last minute of said game, in coordinance with the unetched laws of patriotism / bias / cyclopsism.

Anonymous: Of course.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I have no idea.


Kaufman said...

That happens to me so often that Frank Black / Black Francis wrote a song about it: Where Is My Mind?.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Over there.


There you go.