September 15, 2006

# 109

This post may or may not address the several volumes of long-winded questions left by fellow Wordsmiths, well-wishers and detractors:

Resumption to a normal life began fifteen days ago. As you are aware this carries with it some serious baggage by way of responsibility that I had not encountered previous to my existence as a carpenter or baggage handler.

The three-quarter acre property where I rest my head at night has demanded more of my time than I originally gave it credit for: native (free-range) birds scratch at my eyes each morning with a demand of their own, to be fed. I rue the day (August 1st) I thought it a good idea to 'simply sprinkle some seeds' in the bird house I had acquired as part of the house purchase agreement.

The '60s 'beyond shagpile' carpet mocked me one time too many, heralding the late night stabbing, slashing and removal of said fucking carpet last night. Coincidentally, the frown on mine face was turned upside down at the precise moment the pine floorboards glistened into view, skewing plans to reinvigorate the hallway and two of the three bedrooms with flooring of a woolen disposition. Mrs Kaufman and I were unanimous in going with the as-is option instead.

Work has centred on makeshift roleplaying at one of the University of Adelaide's several departments of Englishizing: playing Sally one day, Keith the next, Sue and Bob simultaneously the day after that...until the distinct possibility of playing the lead role of myself come Monday and Tuesday of the week yonder was posted on the corkboard of perhapses for all to see.

With whispers of free mental health checks permeating through the hallowed corridors and byways it's no wonder that my teeth are itching from the anticipation of enabling myself a hearty bite of the cherry.

Still no Internet connection.


- AK


Mob said...

Glad to hear you're doing okay, and congrats on the hardwood floors, it's got to be a nice change from the swinging shag of the 60's.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...


There he is.

By the sound of it, you are running some kind of remote bird farm.

Are you cultivating an army of wildfowl to storm the houses of parliament and peck Johnny Howards eyes out so that you can boot up him up the a-hole and install yourself as premier?

Will the same fate befall Beazley?

Can I have a job?

A job that involves uncovering the mysteries of Kerry Packer?

More importantly, what am I talking about, and why?

benjibopper said...

your job sounds like a series of semi-erotic dreams.

picking up on ultra's line of inquiry, how will the green bay packers fair this year?

what do you think of the rights of migrant farm workers to unionize?

how is it that salinization can save so many lives and the doctors who remove liver spots make more money than your average new york city construction worker?

Under the Radar said...

I'm finding easier to agree with Mobs sentiments right now. I really want to agree with the other two but the chu-hai isnt working like it used to. maybe it is the new brand of syringes.

Whats with this "carpets before internet gratification" policy? You must have turned over a new leaf.

Kaufman said...

Mob: Cheers Mobster! The floors got me hard. We're currently pricing the probability of getting them polished. I may have to brush up on the spit 'n' polish technique. We had a family oriented working bee last weekend which shone a new light onto our lemon yellow walls. We are now officially surrounded by Icelandic Stone (and Guacamole in the office; yummo!). ; )

UTMG: My preference for curing what ails Lil Johnny is robots: lean, mean programmed fighting machines (lead into the battle zone by Vincent Jones and Dolph Lundgren). My slogan for the job is: When all else fails, elect yourself. Masturbation will be compulsory by 2008. Bearing arms or crosses will be outlawed. Marijuana cakes will be freely available from all primary school tuck shops. I'm still working on the rest. I need a reliable muso to put my plan into verse. Now hiring. ; )

BB: My job is the gap filler between my erotic dreams. I am in a permanent state of erotic dreaming (not that everyone else isn't). GB (Kerry) Packers will finish fifth. Everyone should unionize, even onions. to answer your last question: umm... ; )

UTR: I never tried chu-hai intraveneously (or syringeously). I assure you that no new leaves have been overturned. Raked and dumped at the back of the property, certainly. I'll be online again soon. Cheers muchacho and as always, hang in there. ; )

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

I'm on it.

I'll need to call the Spin Doctors first though.