December 04, 2006

# 117


On Friday, December 1st, at precisely 10:24 am, the universe provided me with my first offspring: a gorgeous and determined baby girl with a lifetime of love from her proud parents and family in front of her.

I am a true believer in balance...




Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Congratulations, Sir!

Can't wait to see how much the baby raises for you on the internet, so that you can start investing in that army to overthrow the government.

Ho ho ho.

How about 'Charlie' for a name - after the fantastic screenwriter.

p.s - See our fantastic batting collapse!!!!! We are brilliant!!!

Kaufman said...

Thanks Toaster. I've posted some photos at that other site of mine if you're interested. She's already proving to be a phenomenally cute bundle of joy.

Charlie Manson?

'A young Botham, a fit Vaughan and a borrowed Bradman are needed from here.' - Peter English c/o on what is required by England to retain the Ashes. Funny how he didn't include any first rate bowlers in that magical list. England could do with about four of those.

PS Ashley Giles = tosser.
PPS Monty for PM.

Kaufman said...

'Thirty runs came before lunch on a pitch that was the base for 1123 in the first 12 sessions. Another 40 were added until the innings closed at tea. The 1950s must have been like this.' - Peter English again. What a corker of a last line!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Heh heh!

The pictures of Freddie crying on today's back pages must have made Geoffrey Boycott want to strap on his body armour and robo-stalk his way out to the crease like Jesse Ventura in Running Man.

Hell, hijacking the airwaves and doctoring the footage would be the only way to make it look like we are winning.

Warney appears to be loving it.

And why not?


Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

P.S - Checked 'em.

That's a nice pic of you and the little one.

Who's the daddy?*

*a rhetorical question to infer respect upon the subject (you) not a direct inquisition as to the fidelity of your significant other.

Kaufman said...

I wouldn't be surprised if Botham asked for a go as well.

I've never seen a team throw in the white towel the way England did on that, well, let's be fair and call it remarkable, fifth day. I've seen it done in boxing and I've been on the receiving end as I was pummeling a male koala with a deck chair in one hand and a full coconut in t'other, following a bet with its trainer that I was overweight and lacking fitness. Pigs arse mate!

I used to have hair.*

* Especially in those windswept '80s.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Didn't Botham make the papers in a similar Koala related incident?

Mob said...

Congratulations on your recent addition to the population explosion, my good sir. It's always a nice change of pace when folks who have good heads on thier shoulders have an offspring, since it's usually the slack-jawed yokels who are doing the breeding.

Congratulations to you and yours.

benjibopper said...

congrats goodfellow, good show!!! can the rest of us see pics?

Kaufman said...

Toast: He did, as did Tony Lockett. However, I am the original street koala fighter, and I don't need to remind you of what other prestige is involved in holding that title. Or do I?

Mob: Thank you all round for those glowing terms used to describe my head and that which sprang forth looking somewhat similar to me. She has more hair. Much, much more hair.

BB: We can do this one of two ways: methodology uno is to send me a quick email c/o, after which I will send you the URL and, as a show of friendship between the common man, a masked white powder from parts unknown, weight unknown, with a win-loss record of 52,867,921 to zero; methodology due is to wait until I get the stamina to upload photos to this site, instead of at my non-altered ego site, the details of which I do not wish to transmit due to the massive drawing power this site possesses.

PS There's a bit of tongue-in-rear with one of the sentences above. Can you spot which one and how deep the tongue goes? Answers will be revealed after the first pigeon hits the deck.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

This from the Sydney Morning Herald on Englands batting performance:

'Like medieval Royals with Syphillis, they suddenly went mad'

Kaufman said...

The Sydney Brunch Herald went a step further (because they don't pull no punches, yo!): 'Like medieval Royals with Syphillis, they suddenly went mad, as if on a rogering spree in the Australian south where sheep's hind quarters and lubrication from ghost gums seemed more fanciful than facing another over of bamboozlement from Warne and Co.'

Australia, fuck yeah!

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Sounds like a Kerry Packer Sensation Shocker story

Kaufman said...

A great first session for your lot. 69/3 is a good position to be in, especially with Messrs Haydos, Langos and Pontos getting a rub down.

I love The Full Monty. He brings a touch of the sublime into the fray, and anyone who thinks Giles is in the same hemisphere of spinning talent as TFM is either without a head or related by blood.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Yeah, I don't know why they have been holding Panesar back.

Maybe they thought that by keeping him on leash, then dangling the the marrow before him, they might get him so fired up that he blitz's the whole opposition in one fell swoop, taking all wickets for no runs.

And then I wake up...

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

...and now I wish I was asleep again.

Whitewash, anyone?

Kaufman said...

Under The Radar and I have had a great time of it in our Gmail sessions. His last email read along the lines of 'oh well'.

I'd love to offer a shoulder for you to do with as you desired, but I fear a chainsaw would find its way into your tense hands, and that would be the end of my posture.

How utterly brilliant was Adam Gilchrist?* As an Australian observer who enjoys a great contest between bat and ball and Australia and England, and someone who has watched the English team play for the first time in more than four years, I'm left wondering what goes on behind the scenes; the lead-up to a Test, the planning of how to best dismiss each batsman, and the mindset of what's required in any given situation (for instance, scoring 100-odd in each of the five sessions on offer in order to chase down an unlikely, yet possible, 550-odd to win a Test match AND KEEP THE SERIES ALIVE).

In summation, Pietersen might be the darling of all English wet dreamers out there, and will most likely have an average of more than 90 come the end of this series, but the fucker hasn't a clue of how to play when there's a bit of thought involved in batting. Who told him to get the pillow out and go on the defensive, marching to an unbeaten (oh, well done, sir...hats off to you) 70 when his team was eyeing-off an ever shrinking total?

I'm no longer a fan of The Ego for the simple reason that he's the most selfish batsman in the English team. No, wait, change that last bit to 'in the galaxy'. Flamboyant my arse. More along the lines of as thick as two rhinos stampled side-to-side to a very fucking thick plank.

PS My daughter is a Test baby: Adelaide Test.

* Rhetorical